there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I love you. Go after that dick
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
