so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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