she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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