but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
