Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize