i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
