Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
