I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
