your thong is hanging out like whoa
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
