ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
