I hate all girls vehemently.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
