Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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