Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
