We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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