Got a toothbrush?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
ttyl tear gas
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
