ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
