Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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