What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
