11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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