so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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