Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
