Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
