Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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