I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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