my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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