Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
