That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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