Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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