dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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