her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize