Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
