He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
