Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
