to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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