It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
