my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm sobbing to NWA
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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