You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
