I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
