sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
