I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
