I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
