I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
