it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
