I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
