Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
