Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
