never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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