i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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