Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
