I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
