We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
