You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
too bad you live with your parents still
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
