we have officially lost it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's never too late to be topless.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
