how can u be prego again
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
