With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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