During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
